Aye peeps, another blog post eh? Yep, here I am..., I guess I'm back to my emotional self again. It wasn't really worse as before, but am I in a world which I truly recognize? See again, my faith ain't strong as you think. Let's say, I don't use the word hate for now, if you realized I'm nice enough to say "dislike" as I'm so into Facebook, haha! Oh, it's way off topic? Sorry, but I'm not really doing some stupid post right now. It's what I think around me, or what I think of myself, I was stupid. I'm not seeking attention either, it's more like how I feel, or I'm still an ordinary sotong that thinks too negative like before? Now, let me tell you why. I've lost confidence in myself, more like losing my faith. No matter how much I've prayed, it couldn't be answered, I'm not strong. To be truthful, I'm jealous of people around me, even though jealousy kills, I told myself to be strong and move on, but hundreds of people (friends) strikes my heart painfully, I couldn't make it. I dislike myself that I couldn't learn any 2nd languages like chinese or malay, it supposed to be whom of myself? Whenever friends or whoever talked to me that, I felt okay, but when comes to their expectations, I've looked down on myself. I was too late to learn those, people laughed at the way I speak, I felt embarrassed. Another, I dislike it when people stare at me and started to crap things around me. That's why I don't see a "real" friend. I do have some, but not many. I do get sick and tired sometimes, perhaps they're like that too, but why are they much deepen? I'm upset. Wearing a mask makes us pretty/handsome, like what my mom told me like those English people wears mask they look so friggin' handsome, like what my dad wore before. But when they took off, they got unglam tooth and stuffs, you started to get gross with it, I don't get it, people looked down on what they/I are, I just don't understand? I get things straight, I don't care about their ugly mask, but perhaps I do care what people thinks about me, I somehow got offended, that's how now I felt for those people. Or aren't these my lessons to be learnt? Lastly, to be frank, I took a step back into the shadow when the bright light took over me. Like someone's better than me, I went missing in action. I thought I'm no longer needed. But when I think I'm better, I super dislike to show, that's why I pass on my abilities to the people who needs it more than me and hide so that those people don't feel uncomfortable. I surrender my mask, now I need a guide to lead me the path, which is my "heart" (true friend). I can do without it, if I find my way. Now I need to learn, even thought it's alittle late, perhaps. But how...

I quit envying, it kills me too much. I need to learn to heal me.