"And I will follow you into the dark."
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Monday, November 1, 2010
Yoh, back posting. Hahahas. Fml seriously. I mean not in school or whatever, just personal. Having a first love in your life, it's hard to forget. Having your first crush, you idolized so much about him. Have you ever wondered how much bad flickered mouth you said about your boyfriend/girlfriend, you find yourself stupid that you still hang in the strongest feeling there. I gotta be honest, fuck love seriously. It's the most painful moments that can never forget unless you found someone that really guides you through your life or you turn back and treasure it all over. But I realized, it's freaking too late to turn over. It's so impossible to turn over because of our minds keep thinking of the problems we had, when our heart still stays on. Haha, that pig that I treasure for many months on our favourite number, he has gone to another path liking someone new, I'm happy like seriously. But Idk why I feel lousy, stupid me? I'm so stupid viewing someone's profile often and get concern all over, I shouldn't have done that but no heck I can't. I just don't know why he keeps thinking i'm those kind of girls that kick guys asses off like a catchy flirt. Fuck your mind, not your heart man. Your mind's evil, so as mine. Everyone whatever. Idk why my heart still hanging there for you when you already have your freaking life out there with so many grateful friends you have now, I'm smiling that you went for camps and stuffs, you interact, I don't have to bug you anymore to force you go have grateful times with your friends balanced over me, but I'm not in your balance anymore. I'm more like a person you're avoiding and kick me off and forget me by liking someone else and you used sarcasm on me, I guess you've no choice to chase me away to forget reality misery. I bet your parties hate me, I can feel the hatred. My parties are just freaking worried and they can't bare to see me like a piece of holy shit emoing in class when I'm not even myself and I can't concentrate doing my work anymore. People say I'm slacking everywhere, moodswing everywhere. I know it's my freaking problem, but how the heck I'm gonna remove you out of my mind. Impossible! Even though how much I want you to leave me alone, it's because I'm getting nutsy that people keep bothering me without a fail of no privacy. I'm a freaking liar that I lied to my friends that I'm busy when I'm sacrifice my whole lot of time spending time with you alone. But somehow I miss my friends alot like hell. But you didn't give a single chance to accept how I treat my friends in my way rather that what you think. Yeah, it's childish you know what I mean. But seeing you with your friends now, it makes me whole lot better, reason why because you look happier there rather hanging out with me saying i'm boring or something. I got sick and tired of you mentioning breakups, I'm tired of begging you not to let go. But I did let go, and you ask for it back. I don't wanna take pity from you man, neither you wanna take mine. Just tell me straight face by face and tell me what you wanna, but you got to know your frekaing girlfriend's limits that she's up to not being herself and you thought she changed for the bad. Whoa, what? I'm frustrated because I got upset hearing bad comments from you about me. That's why I decided to let go of you thoroughly. But hey. *slaps* IT'S SO EMBARRASSING TO SACRIFICE SOMETHING FOR YOU AND YOU REJECTED IT LONG TIME AGO. And you said you gonna do the same thing as me. Because you feel like you gonna prove that I'm in a hell of wrongs. Don't you think BOTH OF US IN THE WRONG? I don't mind sacrificing my freaking life for you even though we're different religions. Honestly, why do you think I'm a cheater or a flirt to you? It shows that you're jealous, it's common y'all. I'm glad you told me you are. But you have to know each other limits man, you misunderstood me because you're not used to how I treat my friends in my life before. Now I totally change for the sake of you once for awhile, but I find it a no used, I felt like I'm a macro barbie controlled by a little boy and I'm being chained up with broken legs. I'm not insulting you acting like a kid. I'm just telling you that being under controlled can lead to certain people's limits that they will go crazily angry in themselves or worse later and by not being herself and you think I've changed for the bad. :/ I felt like a fool falling in love with someone who doesn't understand anymore like the start how we used to be childishly love but maturity pure heart connection calling ourselves little pig and little donkey. I really felt loved by you, but not anymore. It's impossible to go back because there's missing jigsaw puzzle piece right in between there. What the missing piece? TRUST. I realized how much we've gone through many quarrels, it's so stupid that I laughed with anger inside. You know it yourself, it's so stupid to argue, we realized it's not what we think, it's how we feel. We know there's something wrong, but we dunno how to start talking with the tone of warmth again. I'm so careless. Now feelings fade already, I can't do anything. I pretended that I wanna go away from you, but my heart's still there. But what I know is, to you I'm a bad girlfriend, I'm not according you what you expected from me. Love isn't full of expectations, love is what we gonna see unexpectedly that we gotta be ourselves. I'm so confused, I can no longer turn back, because when I turn around closing my eyes, the path behind is already gone in pitch black and your hand never appear to appreciate one another again by dragging me to the path we supposed to continue. I suck at acting happy, hahaha. I guess this is my final goodbye to the memorable first love even though you're not my first crush, but a great loving journey that broken into pieces but the good ones still there, I agree. But hey, I bet that girl's lucky to have you that you aiming for now. God bless you always. :) |
How can I ever forget your lyrics? I'm an Eccendentesiast.  Yoh! My name is already explained. 1993 is my year, born on the 7th day of June, and I love Photography alot like Tumblr. I love trollin' around with my friends, but I have my own sorrows and I believe you're feeling the same too! Alto Saxophone & Canon 550D are my lovers, let's take some adventure! Entertained or not to be. I'm no longer your muse. That's all I can really say. |