"And I will follow you into the dark."
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Monday, May 23, 2011
Wow, it's been so long I never blogged. Yeah, I rather vent my pressures here instead of facebook & twitter because I know no one is gonna read my blog ever since it's been dead for quite some time. Something makes my life's damn interesting, which is my first super-duper heartache in love. Out of my ex(s) or crush(s), only one made me feel like waiting for that someone for months/years. I don't know why, but my heart chained to the feeling. You keep saying you're not worth of my wait. Why the hell? You're chasing me away like you're hiding me away 1000 reasons. To be frank, it's nerve wrecking. I think it's because my character/attitude you find that is not your type, that's one of the reason(s) ain't it? Everyone have a deep attitude emotions to hide their emotion by trying their best, but they can't because insanity make their way. Ever since that event, you make my day many time, and you're freaking hell good enough for me. Yeh, I'm freaking jealous of seeing you how you treat your friends through social networks. But I know it's wrong for me to be it, so I rather hide because I don't want to hurt you and think wrong of my views. It really hurts when suddenly you treat me so cold. 2 of my bestest friends asked me "You sure can wait?" and I went "Yeah, I can wait. Because my heart srsly damn chained." It's not that I want you to be the first & the last, it's seriously selfish feeling I know. It's just that I want to tell you how much you're meant to me. My 2 b-fs said "But why can't you guys balance everything? You don't have to worry whether studies or etc. affect you, you guys can have 1/4 time together and the rest are just the highest priorities" True. And they agree it's weird that it's a sudden break off, it show one thing, you're hiding me away from your true ego feeling from me. I'm quite puzzled. :/ I don't know whether I'm right to say this, perhaps I'm judging instead of realizing the reason. Because I scared to talk to you, I rly don't know why. It's a super heartache feeling, it makes me don't want to go for any HK gathering anymore, I rather you go becauase they need you more than I do. I don't know why I'm super negative towards this, because I've been thinking alot when my friends in love distract me, and it reminds me of you. I don't know why you don't allow me to wait, hoping to start a new one with another? Fine. :/ I rather be a nun after my studies. Because it really hurts me alot and I'm ready to take hell of those burdens til I die. It's driving me insane like before. I felt very suicidal, I don't know what can stop me from this. I want those feelings to stay, because I don't know why I really care for you alot, alot, and alot. I don't care if it's for months/years of hell wait, because I know you do care but you just want to find words to make me stay away from you. I guess my character/attitude that makes you change your mind of me. Yeah, it should be be - I failed to be your gf, totally... Every night, I see stitch, I cried. Because it reminds me of your sweetest smile that cheers me up automatically just 0.01 minisec. Ever since you're gone, my life's into deep disaster and I'm back to the the dark side of me, I'm faking my smiles everyday. It's not your fault, I feel unworthy and extremely useless. Whatever I'm affecting you, I'm really really sorry. But I guess you can't feel that I'm actually really straight with my words here. You're gone..., now I can do is to wait til you talk to me and restart everything. Wait...and wait...and wait. All I can do is to pray, face reality & everything... Idk about your return, I fear everything will not be the same, I fear to loose that feeling, I fear to to everything about you. I don't know why this drives me insane, but I'll wait. And I do not hate neither hesitate... (End) |
How can I ever forget your lyrics? I'm an Eccendentesiast.  Yoh! My name is already explained. 1993 is my year, born on the 7th day of June, and I love Photography alot like Tumblr. I love trollin' around with my friends, but I have my own sorrows and I believe you're feeling the same too! Alto Saxophone & Canon 550D are my lovers, let's take some adventure! Entertained or not to be. I'm no longer your muse. That's all I can really say. |