"And I will follow you into the dark."
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
 "You don't even know how angry and frustrating I am, can't I hide my feelings to the never-obvious limit?" I had enough, I had enough misunderstandings, I had to be this straight, nobody even fucking knows how much I want to keep things away from any affection of mood. Misunderstanding can leader into huge scenario especially it super hurts when it comes to relationship/best friendships. From this learning point, I rather show to my enemy which is myself. But I'm greatful to have some friends who really there for me even though how busy they are, I salute you guys, thank you very much. Yes, my old friends who knows me very well as well. I'm sorry if it affects you but I need some time alone too as well. People mistook me of seeking attention, hello - everyone has the urge to type/say but we know on the very last minute we said it on the wrong place to vent my anger. And I know not many people read my blog, so I let my words lay here. People mistook each other body languages, and we got the habit to judge, but on the other side - we didn't ask at all. It's like our problem for not knowing why, but finding out why later is too late. Have everyone think of that in particular too? You may disagree, but it's common on our unexpected actions. Faking a smile like damn bloody painful, and when you're smiling for real - nobody gives a damn. Sometimes a fake smile doesn't even last long, it will drop into a frown and flow with the tears. We all know misery is just temporary, but can't we just give way to each other so that happiness look so realistically alive again where it supposed to remain. I'm disappointed for what has happened, good things really come to the end. Everything.  This is for someone who I respect alot, and it turns into ashes when I saw something unexpected when it turns into the obvious hatred: Why do you judge me first without a good chat like before again? Why your negativeness attack you and now to attack me? You're calling me a fake, and that hurts HELL lots, and it's one of the worse case scenario from a best friend whom I treasure alot. Reason why I fucking remove you from the "list" it's because I thought you changed alot worse and started talking to me like shit. I've been watching you over Facebook, it doesn't mean I don't care what happened to you, because I miss the times you laugh and share things with me when I felt "Hey! Great Minds Think Alike!" and I don't mind hearing stories from you like how I took the same bus as you along the way back at night. It's just that I can be your listener & advice you, not to understand you. I fear that if I understand you too much then I understand you til I'm wrong. I only can understand your same movements and habits, not your personality. And you mistook me from refering you from some status in my Facebook, No - I wasn't refering to you. I'm upset with other surroundings too. Remember that time I took the bus same as my best friend in secondary school and with you, the very last day I see you? Yes, that day was the day I started to feel negative approaching you as your body language like telling me to go away. And I tried my best to talk to you, nothing's the same anymore. It's not that I find you boring, it's just that I seriously don't know how to reply when your body language affects my mind like you're trying to ask me to "Go away" Not only you that I've think of, I've think of some people I do care also, that's why my feeling are seriously quite uncontrollable. And it's really insane, so please understand. I've been think alot of negative these days like you too, but I also have to focus what I supposed to focus, but yeah outside things affected me, so don't get me wrong if I'm saying about you in Facebook on the previous day or more the status. I'm venting what I feel nowadays, neither do I refer to anyone. But now those long sentence today, I'm refering to you to let you see how fucking upset am I to see unexpected words from your at Facebook. I am not guilty for what I've seen through your status, I'm horrified & I fear to lose a good friend who taught me how to be strong in band too. I hope you really understand, and I'm sorry if I'm avoiding you because I thought you dislike me and gave up hopes on me as I'm your junior. But seriously speaking, my eyes also can't get off from your Facebook as I do care alot, especially to some other good ones too, but I don't know how to approach, it's like the same as my stage fright. Because I do have fears of rejections or losing something precious. I really need to talk to you, but please don't get me wrong in any ideas. I'm really sad, but I just don't know how to hide it because nobody in a world likes to suffer or being pathetic. But I just need time to settle my misery off and be myself like you've seen before in band or in our conversation. I'm VERY sorry, but you don't deserve best friend like me because I cause your negativeness too, I rather you treat me like a junior like how you treat me last year so happily. Being best friends really hurt alot, but I still favourite you as my good friend who's there for my courageness. I always do love my beloved bro, otherwise I wouldn't fucking care about all these. Being best friends may sounds fun, but it can be dangerous when comes to problems. It's hell in our cinema memory. |
How can I ever forget your lyrics? I'm an Eccendentesiast.  Yoh! My name is already explained. 1993 is my year, born on the 7th day of June, and I love Photography alot like Tumblr. I love trollin' around with my friends, but I have my own sorrows and I believe you're feeling the same too! Alto Saxophone & Canon 550D are my lovers, let's take some adventure! Entertained or not to be. I'm no longer your muse. That's all I can really say. |