"And I will follow you into the dark."
Monday, June 27, 2011
 Yozup! Yeah, I'm sorry for posting alot of deep emotional post these days. Sigh, yeah. I've not been myself quite lately. Well heck! School holiday's over eh! Muahahaha. Not for me! Because I'm in a tertiary school, k3k3z. Oh gosh, I miss my secondary school alot, deep memories there back where I'm most happiest. Right now in ITE, it's so much like working life because you've to work out group project at your own pace and deadline's given. Desperately wanting to go polytechnic straight away, I want to end my ITE life because... yeah I wasn't deep down myself since last year somewhere August & I had super bad karma hit me even though I don't believe karma but I'm just saying. :/ Nowadays trust slowly disappearing in my life, everything's full of misunderstanding without a sight of evidence but just judge straight away. It's like sucky feeling but fate decides the path that we can't change God's decision, right? Sigh, my dearest new good friend Sabrina knows what I meant. :S Anyway, that's why I want to end my ITE life, grr. It's not that I don't like my friends there or I got bad luck there. No, it's just that bad memories happened to hit me into a very sick reality but it taught me great lesson. But nowadays nobody seems to understand me except myself & God. Lately, I've been staying at home doing my portforlio (sorry, I don't wish to reveal my portforlio til the presentation day comes), watch dvds, practicing over my musical instruments, social networking like facebook, tumblr, twitter, formspring, blogshop. Sigh, I want to work but I dislike my project getting any further stupid circumstances. :( HEHE BTW! I have all my cameras that I wanted. Canon 550D, Holga, Polaroid 7S. What else more collection I could ever get? I'm waiting to get my iPad 2/iTouch or iPhone 4/Blackberry. But yet, I'm quite undecided because both sides are good LOL. My blogger seems so dead, not even daily tags like before or active links. Slowly, I've been removing all the unwanted links from friends, sigh. :( But blogger considered old-skool now eh? HEHE. But I love tumblr more, whoops! I'm so freaking lazy to change my blogskin, gosh. Even I lazy to create new blogskin codes, felt so outdated, HAHA! P.S. I miss my super duper old friends, I mean not elderly. LOL. I had most laughter back there, I always have topics to pop out and I wasn't really bad tempered too. Now, I felt so dark & cold, speechless, sensitive, moreover emotional & straight with my words. :/ Sigh, life's full of lesson learnt but eitehr we rely on our sins or not. Lol. I've been sighing, wtf. :( And yeah, I dislike my friends to get hurt again, neither I want them to get involved in my problems, I rather get hurt because I want to pay the price for being such a badass liar in the past. Like yeah, my first ex - he doesn't understand why I left him, I feel that I'm not good enough to be his happiness. Those excuses like religion were lies. I just feel that I cause him so much pain to be jealous or whatever, I feel that I wasn't good when I got offended by his words saying that I'm the most pathetic in the world. And that's where I started to leave his heart since he at first claims that I'm the worse in his life. But after all, he's a great friend who's there for me before the relationship, I forgive what he has done but yet he has already unfriend me, but whatever... :/ And the 2nd, yeah I've to admit that my feelings for him ain't strong, yet both different worlds. I ever said that I hate his emotional waves, but I was also into emotional waves. But yeah, to be honest - it's an awkward decision to my love ones because you're a year younger. :/ I've no choice to leave hushly. But, I appreciate his simplicity of giving me presents with such surprises, yet I dislike expensive presents unless you share money with someone on my birthday behalf. :/ Lastly, the most unexpected from the 3rd, I'm speechless. :/ Yet, the answers from him are complicated in private compare to what I see right now. And he's good in hiding his true feelings. Yet, I don't know whether I'm right/wrong to judge what he's doing now. And I don't know why he doesn't like me to wait or talk to me. I've no courage to face/talk to him at all, and it's quite a breakdown. I shall not go any further, only I can tell him when he asked. Okay, what's with me. Why do I have to feel upset when they don't even know my reasons? Haha. I'm such a fool. My phobia never stops when comes to Love. I suck but I gave my best. And yet the same habit, I didn't move on at all since last year or 3 years ago? I don't know, I felt completely unstable. :/ And this will never stop flowing through my mind. Especially in the bathroom, I feel like crying. And the time when I'm about to sleep in such nights. And everytime I have to look out from my balcony looking at the sky to let go abit of my sorrows. I love the sky for reasons. :) But after all, is this all fate? I don't believe but is this God's decision on my path to see the right path? Right now I'm stuck in the middle, never even move on. I never even take a serious single step yet. I felt so scared that every circumstances in life are just rejections. :/ I felt much like an idiot who doesn't know each phrase in my life. I can't hate myself, I dislike myself for not taking any stepping on the path, because I've no confident what's right. Lol. Sigh, I pray that good things will not end so soon but stood up for reasons to live. I felt that everything's just a lie. Because that lie seems to be such a bad truth. |
How can I ever forget your lyrics? I'm an Eccendentesiast.  Yoh! My name is already explained. 1993 is my year, born on the 7th day of June, and I love Photography alot like Tumblr. I love trollin' around with my friends, but I have my own sorrows and I believe you're feeling the same too! Alto Saxophone & Canon 550D are my lovers, let's take some adventure! Entertained or not to be. I'm no longer your muse. That's all I can really say. |