I can't help myself, I always keep remembering.

I can't help myself, to keep cursing & swearing in such lonely night.

I really miss my childhood times, that's when I'm truly who I am.

Because of fake atmospheres these days in school, I felt that I'm invisible.
I miss when I below 16 years old, no matter what.

I hate it when those guys were not themselves when comes to my past relationships.

The First, I felt ruined. The Second, I felt Self-Denial, Lastly I felt ditched.

Yes, I've been talking about relationships lately, that's because I'm disappointed of every.

I felt nobody can understand my flaws, why I did this and that.
Nobody in my life every reconsider my feelings except my grandparents.
Simple, yet I don't understand them, but they know what's in my mind.
That's why, I miss them dearly.

Yet, should I really wait? I felt that fool's running away.

That fool, never even admit his feelings. And yet the first, I went too far.

Why, do I have to keep talking about that fool?
Like how I waited like a fool for my very first sight over someone before.
Yet, he's my best friend. But you, you're running away like some cheater.

Yes, I was wrong to judge. But stupid unexpected impact takes place.
Sorry, you lied.

I honestly do feddup of many fools who's trying to know ym reaction.

Yet, those fools are the real fools that doesn't know the lady's temper and hatred.

Honestly, I hate to hate.
Now I'm growing my fear, thanks to you.

Now, you're pretending to know nothing, but I really want to say this:
"No matter how much I hate you now, you're still someone who also makes me happy. I'm grateful, thanks alot, I'm not being sarcastic. :)"

All I can do now is, selfishly love myself.

On the second thought, luckily you didn't know what's going on with me.
You don't have to know, because you never care anymore.
Good luck to whatever you do.
If you're good at hiding things, so do I.

Not even one, never one, that reconsider my feelings without any sensitivity & negatively.
Especially my parents, relatives, best friends or whoever.
Only I know what is in my mind, but I'll never understand myself, never.

I really want to end this thought, I don't care if you're a bad villian to me.

I really hate to hate, this is what I can do for whatsoever.

Right now, mostly those friends won't even accept who I am & what I'm doing sincerely or seriously.

God's punishment much? Yea.

I sucks to be in such pain, nothing last long. Good things always come to end. Everything in life that is.

But I'll never know the reason, neither I wanna know.

Sorry, I'm helpless. All I can do is smile for everyone even though how fake I'm faking it.

I don't wanna hurt anyone anymore. Don't be surprise when "I" disappear.

I always wish one day that everything rejoices back.

But I can't expect anything much either.

But I (L) my good super close friends now, those awesome people who's always there for me.

Thanks alot, God bless you all.
But I don't want you guys to tolerate seeing me like this being fake with my smile.

I know I'm not alone, but afterall I'm alone.

Sincerely, I want what I need. I need what I want. But I'll leave God to decide.

I'll pray...